Doubt

I’ve been thinking a lot about doubt lately. I have learnt not to resist my emotions and instead, I welcome them in, even if they are uncomfortable, I let them float across the blue sky of my mind like clouds. They might linger longer than I want sometimes, or evaporate quickly in the midday sun, but they will pass and they will leave no lasting scars.

Since I was a kid I’ve loved doing jigsaw puzzles or logic problems and during lockdown I’ve done quite a few! My current one is 2000 pieces and it is HARD. Not just because of the sheer number of pieces to sift through, but the small blocks of colour that repeat themselves in different parts of the puzzle so you are never quite sure if you’re looking at it right.

Yet I know without a shadow of a doubt that I will complete it. I trust that the pieces are all there (and one or two missing pieces wouldn’t kill me anyway) and I don’t mind that it might take a long time, that I might put pieces in the wrong place or that I can’t see the full picture yet, I KNOW I will complete it and therefore I’m completely calm while doing it. Completely at peace.

This is how I’d like to be in all areas of my life.

But doubt is a persistent little fella, he comes to say hello quite a lot and so I say hello back. We have a nice chat and I thank him for warning me that what I’m trying to do is hard, that it might not work, but I reassure him that I’ve got this and I’ll be ok.

I know what the picture will look like in the end and I know I’ve got all of the pieces I need.

Thanks, and see you again soon, doubt.

Jigsaw puzzle, half finished, colourful image of Times Square with yellow taxis in the foreground

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