We all want to head into the year with confidence, whether we set new years resolutions or not, we can’t help but have an idea that we’d really like this year to be a ‘good’ one.
The best indicator of whether you will start this year with confidence is the stories you are telling yourself. These are likely to be stories about the past, the present and the future.
Stories from your past:
We take a lot of comfort from the past. If we’ve done something before with ease, we tell ourselves that we can do it again with ease. Confidence builds.
But the opposite is also true. “I’ve never done this before, so I don’t know if I’m capable”, or “I failed last time, so that shows I can’t do it” – these stories completely undermine our confidence and stop us in our tracks.
But neither of these are true. They are, quite simply, just stories we tell ourselves. We get to choose which stories we want to pay attention to.
What stories are you telling yourself from your past? Are those stories helping? If not, look at how you can start changing them up so they are more in your favour
Stories from your present
The present is such a good place to start from. It is here that we can really create the stories we want that will build our confidence going forward. It doesn’t matter what’s happened before, in the present we get to start from scratch.
“I am capable of working out anything I don’t already know”, “If I keep taking one step forward, it is inevitable I will get there”, “I’m exactly where I’m meant to be right now”, “I’m excited about working this out”, etc.
Forget your past, what can you tell yourself from the present that fills you up with confidence? With a clean slate, what is possible?
Stories about your future
The paradox about the future is that we simultaneously build it up to be a paradise where everything will be better than it is today, then fill it with obstacles, pitfalls, failures and fear that stops us even trying to get there. Procrastination sets in. We get stuck.
So understanding your stories about your future is key.
You don’t have to believe that you will achieve your goals easily, nor do you have to believe you will never fail. But knowing you can cope with whatever comes along is a hugely powerful story to tell yourself instead.
The most confident people I know aren’t convinced they won’t fail, rather, they know they can manage any failure, they know they can cope with whatever feelings come with failure.
“I know I can cope with whatever comes along”, “If it doesn’t work first time, that’s ok, I’ll try again”, “Even if it doesn’t go to plan I’ll have learnt a huge amount”
Get really clear on what you are telling yourself about your future. What stories will help you build belief that you can both achieve great things, but also that you can cope if it doesn’t all go to plan?
Want some help understanding the stories you are telling yourself and how you could start changing these? Get in touch, I know I can help.
Have a great 2023!